


from worse to something else

by orphan_account



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Relationship, Zombie Apocalypse, not proofread we die like men, redeption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-08 13:21:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21476677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He's lost everything, turned from bad to worse. It's been three years since the apocalypse, his mindless search for Tina is still going on. But it feels like along the way, he gave up.But then he met him
Relationships: Connor/Gavin Reed
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	from worse to something else

**Author's Note:**

> bruh moment hi i just wanted to write this for fun lmao this isn't proofread bc yolo swag ssksksksksk idk
> 
> Kudos, comments and feedback is appreciated

It’s freezing.

Connor doesn’t know how long he’ll last, maybe an hour or two depending on the storm. He can feel his insides shifting. His processor working hard to produce as much heat as possible so his thirium won’t freeze so he won’t die, dead, gone. He can imagine it, his fake skin peeling back and revealing his porcelain white skin. He’ll be reaching out, trying to get out while he shuts down, dead, game over.

_ Dead. _

He’ll be useless if he’s dead, not worth anything. After the sudden blizzard that runs through Detroit stops and fades away, the dead will try to eat him, tear him to pieces with all the thirium pooling underneath him along with his regrets. But when the dead will realise that he can’t be eaten, he’ll be thrown away, into pieces while his head looks at the sky.

So he can’t die, not now, not ever. He wants to live, because the idea of death scares him. Just nothingness, not even darkness. 

_ Nothing _

He bites his lip and pulls the coat closer to his body. He needs to live, survive, find shelter and make a fire. The wind howls around him, the harsh bitter cold screams all around him. It’s scary, how he can’t see for more than a few meters, even his eyes can’t pierce through the mist. It’s like he’s  _ nothing  _ now, not a machine nor human, clipped his wings away and he’s left with nothing.

  
  
  
  
  


Gavin might die here.

He probably will, he can already imagine how he’ll die. He’ll slowly get cornered by the dead, their skin grey, ready to peel off, reaching out for a bite of his flesh. They can if they want to, but Gavin doesn’t recommend it. All they will taste is just nothing but guilt and all the secrets that he’s hidden within him. He’ll die, slow and painful death in the bitter cold of the supermarket.

There’s a single tear falling down his cheek.

So many things unsaid, so much that he held in that tear him apart. It still lingers to this day, it strikes him at random hours. Whether it’ll be at 4 pm when he’s clocking out and he’s suddenly hit with a feeling of guilt, the feeling of a pull to someone. Gavin is still never over  _ him _ . There will be ones at 3 am in the middle one. When he tries to scream because he wishes he wasn’t the one that broke his family because of his existence.

So much to say, so little that was said.

Gavin takes his knife out, maybe he can kill himself before they get to him. Slit his throat before they tear him apart. But he decides against that, too painful. He hears the banging from the harsh wind, like it wants to get in. He watches his death slowly unfold in front of him, three dead looking at him, saliva dripping from their broken jaws and bleeding chests.

He might be able to kill one with a knife, straight through the brain and run as fast as he can. But the dead, they’re tough, hard to keep down. They’re stronger than him, perhaps even stronger than Androids. He hears them growl, their flesh pulling back and revealing worms and maggots. It makes him sick, bile slowly going up his throat. 

He’s going to die here.

And there’s nothing to stop it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It happened quickly, in a split second. It was too much for him to process, a sudden bang, blood scattered across the walls. Then the ear splitting silence settled in, he could hear his own heartbeat inside his ears, loud, loud, deafening. 

“Are you okay?”   
  
Gavin looks to the right.

It’s Connor.

  
  
  
  
  
  


He hasn’t seen him in three years.

Gavin left the precinct after the revolution, too scared to confront Connor and say sorry until the whole room is drowning with it. He cut off contact with Tina, lost himself and he was back where he was when he first started. But when the apocalypse started, it flipped something, quickly changed him and now he’s here.

Frozen.

Guilt is drowning him.

_ I’msorryforruiningyouconnorandbeingsuchanassholeidon’thateandroidsijusthatemybrother _

He looks at Connor, he can see him looking away, not wanting to make eye contact. He doesn’t blame him, after all the things that unfolded between them he wishes that Connor won’t forgive him, maybe hate him and spite him, never care for him and leave him in the dirt.

“I’m fine.”

His voice is so empty, distant. His thoughts are somewhere else, trying to learn how to redeem himself. 

  
Silence, it’s scary and deafening. It’s saying too much, with the way that Connor uncomfortably shifts while Gavin tries to open his mouth and say:

_ I’m sorry _

But saying sorry isn’t enough, it’ll  _ never  _ be enough.

“My name is Connor,” he says, Gavin knows he’s lying, pretending not to know him and it  _ hurts _ , “what’s your name?”

“Gavin,” he replies. He puts his hands inside his pockets and fiddles with the picture of him and Tina, something that he always treasures. If he can go back, he’ll say he’s sorry, he won’t shut her off. It’s why he’s been alive this whole time, trying to find her. Tina, bestfriend, a sister he never had, the only person who truly cared.

_ He misses her so much it suffocating him _

“What were you doing here?”

“I don’t know,” he mumbles. It’s true, he doesn’t know why he came inside the store. Maybe he was finally done with life, wanted to end it with the feeling of being torn apart while the dead bites into his flesh. It’s what he deserves for all the things he did. 

“I was hungry,” Gavin hums. He looks at his feet and takes a couple of steps forward, towards Connor. He’s scared, the feeling of  _ something _ . A terrifying pull that can tear him apart and leave him to pieces, but also the feeling of being pushed away and to never go near him. He bites his tongue and opens his bag, putting cans of beans and packets of doritos in his bag.

Once he was done he looks up to Connor’s temple, the led is gone. It’s a weird feeling of not seeing the circling led, sometimes turning to a bleeding red or a cautious yellow. Connor notices he was looking at his temple, he puts on the hoodie and Gavin tears his eyes off him. 

It’s a dangerous game they’re playing. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Gavin is following Connor.

  
They decided it in a split second. Gavin said he has nowhere to go. Connor said he was leaving Detroit for good, goodbye for all the memories and guilt where the secrets lies restless. Like the bench in the park where his first and only boyfriend kissed him when they said they weren’t going to catch feelings, it ended in tears and screaming. 

Maybe it’s good for him to leave Detroit.

The blizzard died down a little bit, the fog has lifted but there’s still the looming bitterness of the harsh cold. Let your guard down and it’ll come wash you up and ruin you to little pieces. Gavin looks around, Detroit is in ruins. The buildings are empty, some are just rubble. Billboards are ruined and torn, on the ground along with the broken cars that block the road. Gone are the technology that Detroit was known for, no more fast trains or futuristic tech. Nature is slowly overtaking everything, moss and vines on the walls and plants growing through the cracks of the sidewalk.

It’s awkward between them. The silence is deafening and rings inside his ear, loud. It carries all the guilt from over three years ago, it’s dragging him down, hard, heavy. Gavin pulls the jacket closer to him, too thin, not enough to cover him from the cold. He’s shivering, lips turning blue. He might die here, he’ll freeze to death in the blizzard before he even gets out of Detroit.

“You’re shivering.”   
  
“I’m not.”

He sees Connor quickly taking off his coat, throwing it to him. He didn’t wait for him to put it on, he kept walking, not waiting for him. It’s like he’s scared.

He’s scared too.

Gavin puts the coat on, a sudden relief flows through his body. Although his finger still feel numb. He opens his mouth to speak, wondering why Connor gave the coat to him. He read about Androids dying from the cold, their thirium freezing slowly and painfully.. But his lips go cold, numb, not able to say a single word and let it out.

_ Connor’s going to freeze to death because of Gavin _ .

It keeps ringing inside his head.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They got jumped by the dead.

It was so sudden, not enough for Gavin to react but for Connor it was. It’s like he’s been doing it his whole life, the way that he fights. A quick uppercut, shove them and stab them with a knife. The dead goes limp. The other one was fast, fast enough that it almost bit Gavin, sending him to the ground with the dead on top of him. The tiny pebbles on the road is stabbing him in the back, and he’s staring right through the mouth of the dead. The mouth is dripping with black blood, insects, maggots,  _ fear. _ It’s all coming out.

It’s like he forgot everything.

The dead on top of him goes limp, silence is an eerie after feeling.

He’s still, breathing heavily, quick. Like oxygen is going to run away from him and he can’t breathe any longer, one of his biggest fears is drowning in the deep ocean. Gavin pushes the dead off him, uses his hand to push himself back. He leans against the wall, shaking, tears in his eyes. He doesn’t know why he’s crying, he knows how to fight. It’s like fear got a hold of him and suddenly he forgets  _ everything _ .

Even the quiet memories from when he was a teenager, with his friends at midnight with the stars out in the middle of the forest.

Even the smiles of Tina, sweet, simple, so  _ kind _ .

Even the letter he wrote to himself to try to better himself, but too scared to change because they’ll think he can never  _ change _ .

“Are you alright?” Connor says. There, his brown eyes is staring at him. It reminds him of a hot chocolate, sweet, warm. Light breaks through the clouds, piercing down and just then, just at that very moment, his eyes looks like a pool of golden honey. It’s so soft, so sweet, reminding him of all the sweetest memories all he had.

“Yeah,” he mutters, looking around, so much dead, they have to keep going, “yeah I’m fine.”

  
  
  
  


Maybe it’s too late to change.

Try to better himself, take away all the sick parts of himself and slowly he’ll turn good again. Just like he was in kindergarten. So sweet, doing favours and smiling with the toothy grin he had back then. But that’s gone now, burnt to ashes and what’s left is only fear, guilt and many lingering secrets.

“I’ll get some firewood,” Connor says. It brings him back to reality, back to the moment when they said they should wait out the blizzard inside. They’re just at the outskirts of Detroit, stuck, waiting, waiting. Gavin just at the furthest corner, away from Connor, too scared,  _ always  _ too scared.

Or maybe he’s scared of the dead coming out of the windows, tearing him apart to pieces. 

_ Maybe _ that’s just what he’s telling his brain.

But something strikes him, like how the undertow drowns him and leaves him crying and shaking with many feelings sprouting of him. The undertow is always a gamble, but this time it brings a feeling, something hopeful. He runs out to Connor, it takes ten steps, way too long, and he reaches out and holds him by the arm.

Silence, stillness, calm.

It’s weird, how Connor is looking at him, confused. But he knows it’s a trick, a lie. Something to hide the feeling underneath the thin fabric of fake emotions. It’s still cold, freezing. A strong breeze flows inside the building.

“I’m sorry.”   
  
_ I’msosorryconnorforeverythingi’vedone _

Gavin shuts his lips before he fills up the room, makes him drown with the many  _ sorries  _ he has stored up. His hand is shaking, he quickly lets go and now there’s tears falling down his cheek. He can’t stop, no matter how hard he tries it keeps falling, there’s always  _ more _ . He can’t keep it in, spilling all ugly in front of him and he’ll have to clean it all in front of Connor.

But Connor doesn’t stand there while Gavin picks up all the shattered pieces, instead he pulls him close. Gavin can hear the quiet hum of his machinery, loud against the deafening silence. There’s a sense of comfort, not like from another human being where the warmth is shared. But it’s a sense of catharsis, maybe a beginning of something, a sense of that he’s getting rid of all the shackles.

It’s a new feeling he hadn't felt before, it’s scaring him.

So he sobs, loud. He doesn’t look at Connor, too scared to meet him in the eyes, don’t want the pull to come back, to strong and too  _ scary _ . Instead he looks at the ground, sobbing loudly, tears falling down, tainting down the ground.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Gavin wakes up the fire is still on, the warmth of it providing him some sort of comfort. It’s already day, the sun is shining and there’s no blizzard. He shakes off the coat, his back hurts and there are dry tears on his cheeks but that’s fine. He’s fine now, it’s like a new beginning in this world that’s full of dead.

It might be too late, the dead will probably eat him alive before he fully changes. But that’s fine, he tried and that’s alright.


End file.
